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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28780629">Same</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/fanfic_originals/pseuds/fanfic_originals'>fanfic_originals</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>2.43 清陰高校男子バレー部 | 2.43: Seiin Koukou Danshi Volley-bu (Anime)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gen, Self-Harm</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 07:13:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,202</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28780629</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/fanfic_originals/pseuds/fanfic_originals</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Same</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><em>Kuroba didn't turn up at all. Did he...?</em> It was an unspoken thought but the fear is there. "Maybe he didn't come because of Haijima's stunt yesterday?" One of his teammates said. "What stunt? It's just a strategy." Haijima mumbles under his breath. "It's getting really late. We should head to the venue now." The club advisor said and they all made their way to the venue of the competition. Without Kuroba, there is no way they would win this match, still Haijima would be trying his best for his team to advance further into the competition.</p><p>Haijima discussed further strategies with the team. "Kuroba complained a lot of your selfish stunt yesterday." One of the younger players said. Haijima just smiled, "I know. Now we just have to focus on the game and try not to lose too terribly." The team was shocked but followed the instructions that followed. The blond knew what his childhood friend thought about him. It is always the same. No matter where he went, it is a given that he would be hated, after all what he did seemed selfish. All he did was so the team would be able to win.</p><p>The game progressed on further and further, Kuroba never showed up. Having to almost block himself as well as set for his teammates, it places an extreme strain on his fingers. He knew this would result in something bad. Every touch with the ball hurt, every set, every spike just hurts. Without Kuroba is really putting a lot of strain, not only on himself but the team. Once again he is abandoned. This isn’t fair, what did he do again to make people leave him. Haijima explained to his team the strategy he did yesterday, they understood and they cooperated with him for the game in front of them.</p><p>Of course they lost.</p><p>Haijima was forced to go to the infirmary before leaving the venue. “You should go to the hospital to get it checked. I’m only going to secure it.” The nurse said. Haijima just nodded slightly. Upset can’t even describe his feelings right now. He winced when he moved his fingers a little. Pulling his bag onto his shoulder, he walked out of the infirmary and made his way to the exit. There he could see Kuroba talking to their club advisor. “What did the nurse say, Haijima?” His club advisor directed his attention to him. “I dislocated my middle finger, but the nurse said it wasn’t serious.” Haijima replied. “Ok, we are taking the cab to go to the hospital to have it checked.” His club advisor walks through the exit.</p><p>“Chika...” Kuroba calls out. “Oh, so you’re alive huh.” Haijima spites the black haired boy. “I am very clear of what you think of me.” Haijima just walk past Kuroba and left the building to find his club advisor.</p><p>~~~</p><p>It’s after the check up. Haijima sat in his room alone. The blond stares at the ceiling above of him. “What is this again?” Haijima mutters as he places his arm above his eyes. Tears rolled down the side of his eyes, wetting his bed which is head is leaned against. “Why is this happening again?” Haijima bit his lips to keep his voice in. It is a second chance and he screws up again. He had a chance to go to the nationals with a new team. There is no judgement. Yet he screws up once again. “You always screw up things.” Haijima spat.</p><p>“It’s not even their fault, it is all your fault.” Haijima whispers. He didn’t want to worry his grandparents. “You were selfish. You were useless after all.” Haijima mutters. He folded his arms so he wouldn’t even try to hurt himself again. This is his grandparents house, he doesn’t want to dirty the tatami mats with his blood. It would be a pain to clean. He bit and chewed on his lips until it became raw. He fingers scratch his skin until they peeled off. Haijima tears continue to fall, his spectacles long taken off. “Chika, come have dinner.” His grandmother calls out to him from behind his door. Haijima swallowed, steadied his breath. “Later, I’ll come later after finishing this question.” Haijima said as steady as he could.</p><p>“Alright, we will wait for you.” Haijima waited for his grandmother to walk away before rushing to the bathroom to wash his face. He quickly made his way to the dining table and pray to god that his grandparents don’t notice his red rimmed eyes. “You must have been tired after the game this morning.” His grandmother said, a smile adorned on her face. “Yea... it was a very tiring match.” Haijima mutters as he sits down on the mat, his legs crossed. Haijima placed his hands together and muttered a “let’s eat” before digging into his food.</p><p>He barely managed to finish his food. Even if all of the dishes were his favourite, he barely had the appetite. He almost wanted to kill himself then and there. His childhood friend, someone who he thought would be able to understand him abandoned him too. “It can’t be helped.” His grandfather says as he places a piece of meat onto Haijima’s bowl. “There will always be ups and downs, Chika.” His grandfather says, an understanding smile on his face. Haijima nods, there is nothing he could do or say.</p><p>In the end, he is still abandoned.</p><p>In the end, he is still that worthless setter.</p><p>In the end, he never changed.</p><p>In the end, it is still his fault.</p><p>In the end, it is still the same.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Haijima is back in his room. His uniform piled on his table, razor steady in his hands. “Just enough to feel the pain.” Haijima mutters as the cold metal blade touches his skin. The blond gulps. His grandparents were right outside as their grandson commits something downright dangerous. Medical supplies were right beside him. “Just enough to feel the pain...” Haijima whispers as he makes the first cut. He winces, but somehow he is calming down. Haijima takes a breath as he cuts another, letting out the breath after. His mind is slowing clearing.</p><p>Those words came back to him.</p><p>“You know, it’s probably your fault that Kuroba isn’t here.”</p><p>“Yea, he complained the most about you. Exposing you for things you have done in the past.”</p><p>“Damn, I didn’t know you did something like that to a teammate. You’re really the devil incarnate.”</p><p>“So you ran away from your problems huh. Lol coward.”</p><p>“So that’s why you’re here, eh don’t tarnish our reputation okay?”</p><p>Haijima puts the razor down. His uniform stained with the blood. His wrists a mess. He applied pressure to his cuts with his volleyball uniform before reaching for disinfectant. He needs to clean this all up and wraps it up. It would be the summer holidays and he wouldn’t have to explain to anyone from school about the mess on his wrists. He packed his uniform and placed it into the same box that held his, also bloodied, uniform from the previous school.</p><p>He lays in bed and falls asleep, wishing he would be asleep forever.</p>
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